Homie H And the Triangle O' Love
by Celestial Angelz
Summary: Harry likes Cho, we all know that. But through an unfortunate coincidence, he learns she likes Malfoy. Now he has to change everything about himself to win the girl of his dreams... And Malfoy is quick to copy. With the help of an estranged ghost named Ro
1. Default Chapter

Chapter 1: Harry Meets Rob  
Harry was quietly listening by a crack in the door right outside the Ravenclaw girls' dormitory wearing his invisibility cloak while Cho Chang, his secret crush, was having a party. He knelt down on the cold stone floor, hoping to hear who Cho likes during their "girlie conversations." Suddenly he felt that he was not alone. Harry was startled by someone behind him.  
"Why are you spying on the girls?" says a ghost, casually leaning against the stone wall. Harry could see his tight black shirt and faded jeans. The ghost turned his head and smiled, giving Harry a better view of his curly light brown hair. "Eep! You scared me! Who are you? And better yet, how can you see me? I'm invisible!!" Harry gasped.   
"Ooh, sorry buddy. My name is Rob, I'm Ravenclaw's ghost. I haunt these parts. It's my job, ya know?"   
"I didn't know Ravenclaw even had a ghost," Harry says.   
"Well, I don't come out much. I like my solitude. I fear laser pointers, large crowds, people who drive slow on the left side of the road and evil children." Rob shuddered.  
"Can you handle those Slytherins?" Harry questioned.   
"Not really. I work here to be as far away from Slytherin as humanly, or ghostly, possible.  
"I feel your pain. Speaking of pain, no offense, but how'd you die?" Harry asked.  
"Well, I was in Potions, sitting in the front row, minding my own business, when Professor Snape added too much powdered rattlesnake. Two words: big kaboom. Lot's of people suffered purple boils from where the concoction hit them, but since I was in the front row, I received the full blast. I died. Right before I died, I experienced some mutations. That gives me super powers, like seeing normally invisible things.  
"Wow...that's pretty cool. I never heard of Snape making a mistake during a class before." Harry said. "It was a total cover up. No one else knew. Snape erased the students' memories or the incident for fear of a bad reputation," Rob explained.   
"Ha! Snape would have deserved the humiliation!" Harry thought to himself.   
"Yeah, I hate Snape too." Harry looked bewildered. "Oh, part of my powers is reading minds. I know exactly what your thinking right now. I also know you have to pee really bad..."   
Harry's face turned a deep magenta. Just then, on the other side of the door, girls were screaming. The conversation ended between Rob and Harry so they could both hear the cause of the shrieks.   
"Your turn! I choose Cho! Truth or Dare?" one girl said in a high pitched voice.  
"Uh...Truth!" responded Cho.   
"Okay then," said the girl from before, "who do you like and why?"   
"Oohh..do I have to??" Cho pleaded.   
"Yep!" chimed rest of the girls in unison. "You gotta! You don't have any more chickens!"   
Cho sighed. "Okay. I like... Draco Malfoy because he's wild!" The group responded with peals of laughter, and then the girls continued on with their game.  
Harry's mouth dropped open and eyes widened in disbelief. Rob certainly seemed happy. "Oooohhh...BURNT! Ah, hahaha! Cho doesn't like you! Na nanananana!" Then Rob disappeared through the wall, laughing his head off. Harry stood there, alone and confused. "She...she likes Malfoy!?!?" 


	2. The Hooded Bandit of Truth

Chapter 2: "The Hooded Bandit of Truth"  
Harry returned to the Gryffindor boys' dormitory and was pacing along side his bed muttering to himself.   
"What to do, what to do!" Harry awakened a snoozing Ron Weasley, his best friend, for some advice.  
"Terrible news! Cho likes MALFOY! Can you believe that? No mention of me whatsoever! She said she likes him because he's wild, but that's all she said! What do I do? Kill Malfoy so she's forced to like me?" Harry said panic stricken.  
"No, no, bad Harry. Killing bad," said a half asleep Ron.   
"Okay then, no killing. You sure? Oh fine! Maybe a love charm then?" asked Harry, desperate for ideas.  
"No. Too hard for Harry," answered Ron with a large yawn.  
"Okay, fine! Then what exactly do you propose I do? If I can get rid of him, or change her, what DO I do??" Harry said.  
"No titchy fits for Harry! If you can't change him or her, change self," said Ron, who was clearly struggling to keep his eyes open.  
"Great idea, Ron!" Harry whispered. "I'll be the man she wants, and then she'll dump Malfoy! Now, how do you think I should do that?"  
"Yes, I want to buy lots of your telephone soup!" Ron exclaimed. Now he was really out of it.  
Harry sighed. "Go back to bed, Ron. Please..." That's all Harry needed to say, for Ron just fell back onto his pillow, and easily fell into a deep sleep again.   
Then Harry, with his mind buzzing, went to bed also.   
________________________________________________________  
Across the Hogwarts castle near the Slytherin portrait hole, a tiny light in the men's room flickered. The men's room was always dark, but it was almost absolute pitch black at 3 AM. Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle cautiously approached a figure in a trenchcoat leaning against the far wall of the bathroom.  
"Okay, so we're here. What do you want?" Draco Malfoy said, annoyed.  
The figure spoke up in a deep, raspy voice that was almost a whisper. "Remember the agreement? Five feet. You can't get any closer than that."  
Goyle looked a Malfoy and grinned. Goyle took one big step, which was normal for him, and the figure jumped 3 feet in the air, letting out a high pitched scream. "Don't... don't do that!" Trenchcoat Man said when he had caught his breath.  
The words couldn't pierce through Crabbe and Goyle's idiotic guffawing. The man re-gathered himself.  
"How interested are you in a Miss...Cho Chang?" He said slowly to Malfoy.  
"Eh, she's okay," said Malfoy nonchalantly.   
"Hehehe! He's got a secret shrine for Cho under his bed! He talks about her all the time, and likes to knock on her dormitory door and then vanish, and he likes to---" Crabbe's babbling was cut off by a sharp jab from Malfoy's elbow.  
He's in love," said Goyle wistfully.  
"Ah, so Malfoy has a thing for Cho...and I happen to know she has a thing for him, too." The faintest smile played on the man's lips as he spoke.  
"I also know that a Mr. Potter adores her equally as much..." Malfoy grew angry. He was NOT going to let Harry get the love of his life! He'd stop picking on Harry, even let Harry do some of the teasing, well, sometimes, as long as it wasn't too bad...but that wasn't the point!  
"Who are you anyway?" Malfoy asked.  
The stranger in the coat was taken by surprise. "I'm, er, the hooded bandit of truth..."   
Malfoy ran up to him and tore the coat away, revealing the translucent form of...Rob!  
"Ew! Get away! Get away demon child!" Rob pressed up against the wall while making the cross, or evil sign, with his fingers.  
"Hey! You're Ravenclaw's ghost! The one who's afraid of us!''  
"Um...the hooded bandit of truth goes by many names..."  
Rob's eyes shifted and beads of sweat formed on his brow. "I must flee!" He cried, and exploded into a puff of smoke. When the smoke cleared, he had disappeared into the night. 


	3. Born to be Wild!

Chapter 3:"Born to Be Wild"!  
Harry lay awake trying to think of what to do...  
All his life he had been taught the same basic rules.  
Normal people= good  
Wild people= bad  
Wasn't that what he was supposed to be living by? He was no longer 3 and living with the Dursleys. They had considered him wild or abnormal, but that just wasn't the point. There were different situations, and different situations called for different rules. Times had changed. Wild was good. Wild was what was going to win him Cho.  
Harry stood up and grabbed his coat, and crept down to the art supply closet, he searched for what he would need. Dye. Wait, they didn't have dye. He needed a substitute... he frantically searched the room, until he came upon something that might do the trick...  
Highlighter pens.  
They'd have to do. He grabbed some metalic purple paint for good measure, and sank against the wall, wondering what else he would need.  
Scissors? No, it's hard to shave one's head with scissors. What about an electric razor? That was a must. Dumbledore might have one. How else would he keep his long, silvery beard so neat and trim? And he should keep one in his office, where he spends his personal time. And I'm sure he wouldn't trim his beard in public...  
Harry tiptoed down the hallway, every heartbeat and footstep far too loud for his liking. Finally, he reached the stone gargoyle guarding his office. When Harry said the secret password, it would jump to life and move aside, letting him access to the staircase which would lead to Dumbledore's office. Most entrances in Hogwarts were hidden, even portrait holes leading to a house common room.  
Harry whispered to the gargoyle "Sherbert Lemon." This was a password to the hidden staircase to Dumbledore's office-at least, it had been two years ago. The gargoyle didn't budge. "Darn," Harry thought to himself. "How am I going to get in if I don't know the password?"  
"Need help?" was a voice lurking nearby said to him. Harry jumped and almost screamed, but caught himself. Harry looked behind the gargoyle where none other then our Masked Bandit of Truth had decided to take refuge from the Slytherin's.   
"Rob? Thank goodness it's you! I could have sworn it was Filch for a second, patrolling the grounds. Can you help me? I have to get in there." Harry said softly.  
"Eh, okay sure. Hang on, I'll go through the wall and come out to open it from the inside." Rob said, and he walked through the wall as if it wasn't there. Almost instantly, the gargoyle seemed to wake up and jumped aside, a wall opened, and Rob walked through the gap. "Ta da!" He said triumphantly.  
"Thanks a bunch, Rob." Harry said and walked through the opening.   
Ahead of them was a spiral stone staircase, which moved slowly upward as the doors closed behind them, taking him up to a polished oak door with a brass door knocker.  
Harry tentatively opened the door and peered inside. It was a very beautiful circular room, lined with pictures of previous headmasters and headmistresses of Hogwarts, all of whom were fast asleep, their chests rising and falling softly. Fawkes, Professor Dumbledore's phoenix, was standing on his golden perch beside the door. The size of a swan, with magnificent scarlet-and-gold plumage, slept on with the photographs. There was a chair in front of Dumbledore's desk. Harry looked at the walls behind the desk. The patched and ragged Sorting Hat was standing on a shelf. The glass case next to it held a stunning silver sword with large rubies into the hilt, which Harry remembered had once belonged to Godric Gryffindor, founder of Harry's House. Behind the chair was a black cabinet, the one that had held Dumbledore's Pensieve, the one he had onced explored. Harry went to the desk and began searching through it's many drawers. Rob glided swiftly to the chair in front of the desk and sat down.  
"Hey... whatcha doing up? It's almost 3:30." Rob wearily shifted his body so he at least looked alert.  
"I could ask you the very same," said Harry, growing nervous.  
"As did I."  
"As I shall."  
"Ah, touche." Rob began to doze in the chair, and Harry resumed searching the drawer's of Albus Dumbledore's desk.  
"What are you doing? Some people are trying to sleep."  
"Looking for an electric razor."  
"Oh right, I already know. X-ray vision. 3rd drawer on the right."  
"Thanks." Harry grabbed his prize and was about to run off when Rob called to him.  
"What exactly are you doing?" he asked again.  
"Shut up."  
"Don't bother. I can read minds. I already know." Rob laughed.  
"Right, so shut up."  
"I know that Cho finds leather sexy... let me help."  
"No. Go away..." Harry thought for a moment. "And shut up."  
"I'll tell Dumbledore," he said in a wavy singsong voice. "Someone's record isn't per-fect."  
"Fine. You help. But shut up. I want this to be a surprise."  
Rob smiled. "I will."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Ron tossed and turned in his bed, jamming a pillow to his ears. He had a supurb sense of hearing, he could tell in the common room there was a razor going off... Ron threw a pillow to the ground angrily and went to give that person a piece of his mind.   
He marched down to the common room and saw...  
Harry, standing around in leather pants and jacket getting his head shaved into a buzz cut by a dead guy.  
Ron screamed. Rob clasped his non-existant hand around the boy's nouth, which naturally didn't work.   
"Ron! Be quiet! You'll cause commotion!" warned Harry.  
Ron started to stutter. "Commotion? COMMOTION?! You're... you're standing around in my old Halloween costume at 4 AM getting a haircut by... by a dead man..."  
"Ghost," Rob corrected.  
"A ghost in a trenchcoat and I shouldn't be surprised?" he finished.  
Harry turned around, revealing he had painted his scar a shiney purple.   
"So? You're sleepwalking in Percy's old jimjams," he sneered.  
"Look, I know how you wanted to impress Cho, but this is going way. *Too* far, ya hear me Harry?"  
"Go away. We don't need you here." Rob pointed to the door, and Ron stomped off to bed in fury, where he lay awake for the rest of the night.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Potions was a class conducted in a dark dungeon with a cruel teacher, Professor Snape. The Gryffindors and the Slytherins came together to learn, or perhaps fight. Coincidently, Harry and Malfoy had this as their first class of the day.  
Snape walked in the class room and announced "Here are all the ingredients needed for todays lesson. Get them out immeadiately as I write them on the board." He turned to to the blackboard, but turned back again and said, "Oh, I almost forgot. Miss Cho Chang from Ravenclaw will be joining us for the rest of the week. Somehow, her scheduel was changed. I don't know how... Anyway, I hope you will all make her feel welcome." Then, he continued writing instructions on the board.  
Malfoy mingled next to Cho, trying to make conversation.  
"So, enjoying Potions so far?"  
"It hasn't started yet."  
"Yeah, real interesting lesson," Malfoy remarked sarcastically. Cho giggled.  
"Born to Be Wild" began to play out of nowhere, and it set the stage for Harry Potter- new and improved version!- to enter.  
His hair had been cut, "WyLdE tHaNg" shaved into the back, colored with yellow highlighter. He had on dark sun glasses, a leather jacket and pants, and the clanks from his heavy boots mixed well with the jingles that came from the gold chain that jingled when he walked (compliments of Rob).  
All jaws dropped.   
Except, of course, for Cho's. Her lips were fixed in an impressed smile.   
Harry removed his glasses in a tough, street savvy gesture and uttered "Wut up dawg?"  
Several people nearly had heart attacks.   
Harry walked to the table and slumped down into a chair. The students sitting in the surrounding chairs moved as soon as he sat down. Cho took that opportunity to scoot next to him.  
"So, uh, Harry.."   
"Homie H," he corrected.  
"Homie H. Love the look." Her voice was high and flirtatious.  
"It be fresh and hip, yo."  
"Yeah. I was thinking about getting a leather jacket, but their expensive."  
"Word."  
"But it's wrong to kill animals."  
"Word."  
"I feel like I'm talking to a wall."  
"Word."  
She poked him with a quill to make sure he was indeed, still functioning. At least his body was.  
Snape turned around again, ready to start the day's lecture. He saw Harry and Cho next to each other and choked on that breath.   
"Wut up Homie Snape?"  
"Potter?!"  
"It's Homie H," said Cho, resting her hand on Homie's shoulder.  
"I see..." Snape coughed. "Well, you're late, Potter." Several Slytherins snickered.  
"We will begin today's lesson with a review of our last," Snape continued. Potter, can you give a brief summary of yesterday's lesson?"  
The Thing That Once Was Harry stared into space. Cho nudged him. "That's you, Homie."  
"Oh... We learned about all those special ingredients that go into makin' *looove* potions... PEACE!" Harry accented the word "love," and said it like Barry White.  
"Oh, right on, Potter," Snape said sarcastically. The same Slytherins snickered again. "Today we will learn about how to make potions to counter act the effect of a dementor, unless Potter's too afraid to continue the lesson." Snape smiled creepily, and more Slytherins laughed.  
"Word."  
"What was that Potter?"  
"I think he was expressing enthusiasm, Professor Snape," answered Cho.  
"Oh, I wondered how I didn't guess," Snape replied sarcastically again, then continued. "As you know, a makeshift defense would be sugar. But they often don't do the trick, leaving the victim shakey for hours after."  
"Word."  
"Beg your pardon?" Snape looked at Cho for translation.  
"He can sympathize."  
Snape rolled his eyes. "Well, still, one of the prime ingredients is still sugar, but this is a much better solution, it's fact acting, and fairely easy to make, and the victim snaps back to full vigor in minutes... but if I catch anyone eating the sugar in today's lesson, there will be trouble."  
"Word..."  
Snape sighed. It would be a long lesson. 


	4. Flirting with Disaster: Operation Seduce...

Chapter 4: Flirting with Disaster, Operation Seduce Malfoy  
"Malfoy... Malfoy, no! Put that down! Malfoy, nooo!" Snape cried out, trying feebly to shield himself from certain doom. It was supposed to be a nice Potions lesson, an *innocent* Potions...  
But it would evidently be his last.  
There was a pop, and Snape waited for the pain to come. Instead there was nothing. That didn't make sense. Malfoy had combined Dragon's Blood with household baking soda, which was like mixing vinegar and baking soda, only much, much worse. The bubbles were highly acidic, and would have dissolved anything in their path. With the amount of ingrediants Malfoy have added, by all means, half of Hogwarts should be gone.   
Snape opened his mouth to question, but all that came out was a confused "...eep...?"  
A few brave students had emerged from their hiding places, including Homie H and Cho. "Yo, my dawg, that ain't right, word? Ya gonna blow us all to kingdome come, n'wha'm sayin? Yo?"  
"Yes. I know. But instead of acidic bubbles, we have..." Malfoy reached down into the cauldron. "Flowers for the lovely lady!" He handed them to Cho, who beamed with delight. "See, normally, we'd all be dead," Malfoy explained, "But I added Italian snails to counteract the effects of the dragon's blood, and a little nutmag for good measure."  
"Oh, oh, I see," answered Snape, still shaken and clutching his chest. "That's all well and good, but, uh, I think after today's little incident, we should, um, dismiss class early..."  
"Really?" asked Malfoy, dissapointed. "Cuz if you had some nitroglycerin and a flamethrower, I could make this cute little teddy bear---"  
"NO! Now shoo! Take some happy pills or something. I know I will," Snape added under his breath.  
Harry took the extra fifteen minutes he had and went to the bathroom, where he forgot he was supposed to be acting tough and jumped up and down in anger.  
"My girlfriend, my girlfriend! Cho is my girlfriend! Someone tell Malfoy to STAY AWAY FROM MY GIRLFRIEND!!!" Harry screetched, knocking over a garbage can.  
"Hey, don't get your panties, uh, leather jacket in a bunch," Rob advised, materializing behind Harry. "What's the problem, girl trouble?"  
"Yes. Malfoy is trying to impress Cho, the stupid showoff," Harry complained, punching the wall in rage. "I can tell it's so fake, but she can't. She even walked to her next class with him! She's like 'Ooh, Draco, you're so smart! What else do you know?'" he mimicked in a high falsetto.  
*And so the plot thickens...* thought Rob with a snicker. "I think I know how to help. Women don't like players. Trust me." Rob paused to let Harry figure out the rest.  
"Oh. Okay."  
Rob sighed, wishing the boy would think a wee bit harder.   
"So if you get Malfoy to flirt with someone else, even for a little bit, and Cho sees, she'll figure he doesn't like her anymore and she's all yours!"  
"Oh cool!" Then his face fell. "But who do I get?"  
"Well, I dunno, think."  
"Hermoine!"  
"Noo... think harder..."  
"Ginny!"  
"Nope."  
"Ooh! Ooh! Moaning Myrtle!"  
Rob slapped his forehead with his palm.  
"Fluer, dude! You get Fluer!"  
"Sweet!"  
"No man can resist a Fluer, this I know..." he grinned mischeviously. "So at the Quidditch match, which is Ravenclaw versus Slytherin, you get Fluer to seduce Malfoy, Cho sees, and she's all yours!"  
"Thanks! Fluer should be getting out of Muggle Studies right about now, I'll go ask her." Harry rushed out the door.  
_____________________  
"So I seduce Draco? That's it?" Fluer asked, applying sweet smelling lip gloss and gazing into a hot pink compact mirror.  
"Yeah. Is he too nasty?" asked Harry, fiddling with the chains on his leather jacket.  
"No way! Give me any boy and I'll flirt with him."  
Fluer suddenly turned her lip into a coy pout. "It's too bad after this we can't be single anymore. Cuz you look really good in leather."  
He grinned. "Word," he answered, returning to the part he was playing.  
_______________  
Fluer asked. It was now around sunset, about a half hour before the Quidditch Match started. The teams were on the field, doing warm ups. Rob figured they should start the plan early, before any spectators arrived. That way Cho would have a better chance of seeing Malfoy.  
"Yeah. He's coming back from his exercise now," Harry glanced at the figure jogging over to the bench and unscrewing the cap from his water bottle.  
"Hey Harry, how come you aren't saying "word" and stuff anymore?" asked Ron, who was supplying Harry with moral support.  
"Because Cho's not around to impress," answered Harry.  
"Hey Ron, does my hair look okay?  
"Yeah, it looks fine. It always looks fine. That's good, cuz you look good then. Not like you ever look bad, but when your hair is framed that way, it brings out your lips. Not like you look bad if you don't, but---" Ron stuttered clumsily in a love sick voice.  
"Oh Ron, you're so cute when you're confused," she patted him on the head and walked back to Malfoy.  
"Ya know Harry? I think she likes me..."  
________________  
"So Malfoy..." Fluer positioned herself next to him. "What were those exercises you were doing?"  
"Uh, throwing a ball," he answered bluntly.  
"Ooh. You looked so hot with the wind whipping through your hair..." she said, her voice fluttering.  
"I was quite cold, actually," he said, this time a little too bluntly.  
"Oh." She shifted uncomfortably. "Do you like my jeans?" She looked down at the shorts she was wearing, so short they could practically be underwear.  
"Meh."  
"Did anyone ever tell you your broom brings out the color of your eyes?"  
"You can tell?"  
"Yes... and it's very, very sexy," she whispered, wrapping an arm around him.  
"Please don't touch me."  
Fluer looks around, and saw Cho was looking at them. She tightened her grip on Malfoy, who began struggling.   
"No! You're scaring me!"  
She grabbed on to the collar of his shirt, which held him back for a few seconds and them gave way, ripping off the whole back of his shirt.  
"Aah! Madwoman! Madwoman! Ahh!" Malfoy ran around the field screaming, while Fluer hurried back up to her friends.  
"Wow, look at him go," observed Rob, who had stopped by a little bit later.  
"Did it work? Did she see you?" asked Harry eagerly.  
"Nope. I read Cho's mind. Did you know she though it was cute to see Malfoy running around the field squealing?" he asked, thankful for his power.  
"He didn't even look at me," Fluer moaned.  
"It's okay Fluer, I still like you," consoled Ron. "I mean we. Wait, did I say that out loud?"  
"He must have truly been in love," said Fluer. "That's why he's not affected. A Veela's power only goes so far."  
Harry stared at his nemisis, running around in the field below, like a chicken with his head cut off.  
"Aw, don't worry. I'm sure Malfoy is just a phase Cho will grow out of. All girls have tiny crushes, but they eventually fade away. I'm sure soon she'll realize you're much better," said Fluer.  
"Yeah. I hope so."  
  



	5. Draco the Fake-o!

Chapter 5: Draco the Fake-o.  
The next morning at Potions, Cho was eagerly awaiting Homie's arrival. She seemed to be wearing more make-up than usual, with a lot of glitter on her eyes and lips. Cho also sported a new outfit: a pink angora sweater with matching headband and silver stretch pants.   
The rest of the class noticed. They all wondered if Homie could possibly be contagious. None the less, the rest of the class was sitting as far away from the table where Cho sat and where no doubt Homie would be sitting when he arrived as well.  
All of a sudden, Crabbe and Goyle entered with a large cassette-tape player. They announced in unison, "Introducing, the new Draco, Homie D!" Goyle pressed the play button and Crabbe held it high above his head for the whole class to hear. "Wild Thing" began to play. Draco, or at least people thought it was, entered the room. He seemed barely recognizable under all the chains and overly large sunglasses he was wearing. His hair appeared to have gel in it and was slicked back. On his feet he wore faux leather boots that seemed at least 4 sized too big. Baggy jogging pants were on him too. They couln't even see the shirt under all the chain necklaces. To much of the students' horror, he began to rap.   
"Yo, my name is Draco but my homies call me D, and ya know what? I'm really hungry, I mean, I'm really thirsty. I could really go for some Pepsi! Or perhaps ice tea! Or maybe some hot cocoa, oh, that's minty!" No one made a sound. They didn't know what to do. One of their fellow students, who was barely recognizable, entered to practically ancient 60's music only to rap horribly. They only gawked. Draco's, or D's, normally pale skin turned bright pink under those ridiculous sunglasses.  
D strutted over to Cho, who was equally shocked as the rest of the class, and slumped on the stool and folded his arms. It was Cho who had enough of herself to make a reaction, which was to scoot her chair away. "Yo," he said.   
Excuse me, but that seat is reserved for a *cool* person," Cho told D. "But, I am cool! Aren't I? I've got it all!" D replied. Cho said nothing. She just gave him one of those one-raised-eyebrow looks and folded her arms. The rest of the class followed suit. D shifted his eyes around the room.   
"Uh oh. Stink-eye. Better make a cool exit," D thought to himself. "Um..." he mumbled and darted to a stool across the room. All the students at that table quickly moved.  
Just then, Homie H entered the classroom. This time, there was no music, but the outfit he donned was pretty much the same. Leather jacket and boots, heavy chains, but not as much as D, cool, non-ridiculous sunglasses, shaved head, purple scar, the works. The only difference was instead of all leather pants, he was wearing tight blue denim jeans. Cho swooned at the sight. Homie walked to the now empty stool next to Cho and sat on it, but in a cool way.   
"Yo," Homie said.   
"Hi," Cho replied. Her voice was high and flirtacious again.   
"Stellar works, man," Homie commented.   
"What?"   
"Huh?"   
Homie took of his sunglasses quickly and stared at her. He said slowly, "Nice outfit, girl."   
"Oh... You mean my clothes! Silly me!" Cho exclaimed.   
"Yeah," Homie said.   
Across the room, D watched with fury. "How dare he take my beloved Cho! She's mine! She liked *me* first!" He thought to himself.  
Professor Snape entered and was once again about to start the day's lecture when he caught sight of D in his absurd getup. *Oh no, not another one...* he thought. This whole punk look was driving him over the edge, slowly but surely.  
"Draco Malfoy! What on earth have you done with yourself?! You look like a punk Greaser! You look worse than Potter does over here!" Snape yelled.   
"Homie H," Homie corrected from across the room.   
"Whatever. Your father Lucious would be ashamed!" Snape raved.   
"I... but... uh..." D stuttered.   
"There's no excuse for you! Get out of my sight! Go to the very back of the room this instant!" Snape said firmly and pointed.   
D mumbled some things under his breath and walked sulkily to the stool his professor was pointing to. No one else was at the back table but him. He sat down and put his head on the table, mumbling away.  
"Now that that's cleared up, lets begin. We will be continuing from where we left off yesterday. Get out the same ingredients and set them in order next to your cauldrons," Snape instructed.   
"Pass the ginger root," Homie asked Cho.   
"What about the magic word?" Cho asked.   
"Huh?"   
"The magic word is 'please.' Don't your parents teach you anything?" Cho questioned.   
"I have no parents," Homie replied dully.   
"Don't be like a disturbed teenager. I've heard that from other teens all the time, claiming they have no parents..."   
"Whatever, just pass it," Homie replied.   
"I will, but it's still very rude... Here," Cho said and handed him what he needed. Homie put it down and continued.   
"Aren't you going to say 'thank you'?"   
"Shut-up, woman." That did it.   
"WOMAN?!" Cho was enraged. "You call me woman?! I have a name, it's Cho, given to me by my parents. Yes, I said parents. Unlike you, claiming you have none."   
"But I really don-" Homie began.   
"Don't start with me! They'd be ashamed of you! You don't just say 'shut-up' to Cho Chang! *My* parents taught me better!"   
The entire class took notice of their argument now, even Professor Snape.   
"And another thing, you didn't say 'please' or 'thank you'! How low can you get? Stay away from me, Potter!"   
"It's Homie H..." Homie tried again.   
"Whatever!" Cho yelled and stormed off to the table where D was once at before he moved.  
Homie blinked a few times and looked around. Everyone was staring at him. He didn't know what to do. Snape was the first of anyone in the room to say anything." "So, three little fools having a dispute and sitting alone at three isolated island tables. What a pity!" Snape remarked sarcastically. Some Slytherins laughed cruelly. Cho stood up and was about to scream again, but caught herself and eased back onto her stool. She wasn't about to talk back to a teacher. That was a huge no-no.  
"Cat got your tounge?" Snape asked Cho. Cho still said nothing and just sat there breathing heavily. "Shall we continue with our lesson, class, or will there be more bickering?" Snape questioned. Silence followed. "Ah, then we'd better keep going. About the concoction you're about to make..." Snape began. The rest of the lesson everyone did as they were told and no more fighting went on.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Homie slumped in a chair in front of the Gryffindor common room fire. It was now evening, and he had just come up after dinner. "What went wrong?" He asked himself. "What? I think it was my attitude. But she liked it yesterday... Ho hum. On the other hand, she doesn't like Malfoy either, which is a plus. I know I have to do something. But what? I know! I'll ask Ron! He was good at it last night!" Homie got up from his chair and raced to the boys' dormitory. There was Ron, passed out on his bed, not even in his jimjams. Lazy Ron. He was a person who loved sleep, so he went to bed earlier than any of the other Gryffindor boys. This was even early for him, but there was roast turkey for dinner, and Homie knew Ron always passes out after turkey. Homie poked Ron to wake him up. "Ron, Ron, wake up! This is another emergency!" Homie pleaded.   
Ron yawned. "What? I'm up... I'm up..."   
"Cho doesn't like me anymore! I think it was my attitude, but I don't understand girls! You have a sister, Ron, what should I do?"   
"Huh? Ginny annoying little sister..."   
"Yes, yes, but what do I do?" Homie begged.   
"You have tizzy fit?" Ron asked Homie with his eyes half open and a bit crossed.   
"Yes, tizzy fit, but Ron what do I do about it?"   
"After tizzy fit you kiss and make up. Fred and George very good at it after tizzy fits with Mum about Weasley Wizard Wheezes and stuff," Ron explained to Homie and yawned again.   
"Brilliant Ron!" Homie exclaimed. "But how do I do so?"   
"Mum love chocolate. Ron love chocolate. Mmm... Chocolate..." "Great idea, Ron! How do you think up these great ideas?"   
"Could I please have some chocolate in my telephone soup?" Ron asked. Homie sighed. "Thanks for the help. Get some rest now..." Homie said softly.   
"O-ki-day," Ron said and was snoring again. Homie went over to his bed and looked under it. He then pulled out a heart shaped chocolate box. Hermione gave it to him a month ago for Valentine's day. He opened it. "Hmmm... I've only eaten a few, so this'll work fine." He picked out a few empty chocolate wrappers, closed the lid, and headed for the Ravenclaw portrait hole.  
He sad next to the picture and waited. He couldn't go in, he didn't know the password. So waited for Cho to arrive back from dinner. She was always last to leave the Hall, chatting away with friends. She was a very popular girl. A minute later, Homie heard footsteps. In case it was Cho, he stood up and looked. The person coming his way was... 


	6. What the...

The person coming down the hall was... Cho.   
"Back off, Potter, she's mine," snarled Malfoy, clutching the flowers to his chest.   
"Says who?" retaliated Harry.   
"The Hooded Bandit of Truth."   
"What, Rob? Rob's in this? Note to self--"   
"What's going on?" asked Cho, standing over the two boys.   
"Cho! Baby! Look what I got you!" Malfoy said, thrusting the flowers into her arms.   
"What?" she asked, confused.   
"But I got you chocolate. You *like* chocolate... And look at the shiny tin box! You like shiny things, you know you do." Harry's voice was hypnotic, and his eyes were widening like a madman's.   
"STOP!" she yelled. "Okay, you both wanna be my boyfriend, and I'm flattered. But there's only one way to settle this."   
"... Bingo?"   
"No! A civil game of trivia."   
"Why?" whined Draco.   
"Because one of the most important qualities of a man is intelligence."   
"Ooh! I like trivia." The trio turned around, to find Rob had materialized behind them.   
"It's you, you dirty double crossing--" Harry took an angry step towards the ghost.   
"You can't kill me, I'm already dead," Rob remarked ruefully.   
"Right, anyway..." Cho began again, a little annoyed. "I have a class to get to, so the game will be quick. We'll play to, oh, say, two points? Rob will keep score. I'll ask the questions. Ready?"   
"I can't keep score. I lost my arms in Vietnam."   
"You have arms! My God, why is everyone here so stupid?"   
Rob shrugged and took out a piece of chalk, drawing a line down the center of the stone wall. On one side, he wrote DM. On the opposite, HP.   
"First question: What is the capital of Qatar? Yes, Draco?"   
"What's a Qatar?"   
"I know the answer, Cho. It's Doha," Harry remarked sweetly. Rob made one line by Harry's name with a loud, slow squeak.   
"Good. Next question. Give the formula for find a triangular number."   
"Multiply-N-times-one-more-then-itself-and-divide-by-two," Draco answered breathlessly, before pausing to stick his tongue out at his opponent.   
Meanwhile, Ron skipped down the hall whistling a happy tune. "We make the pants, we make the-- JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST!" he exclaimed after catching a glimpse of the makeshift tournament that was going on.   
"What is it, Ron?" asked Harry, frightened.   
"I dunno, I just like saying that.   
"Oh. Hey Ron?"   
"Yes Harry?"   
"You're mental."   
"I know."   
"Moving on... The score is currently tied. Now, the tie breaker. In most plant and animal cells, the mitochondria serves to what?" Cho tapped her foot.   
"..."   
"You know this."   
"No we don't," said Harry.   
"Fine. Who's the headmistress of Ravenclaw?"   
Somewhere, a cricket chirped.   
"You should know this!"   
"But we don't somehow..." Malfoy's voice trailed off, confused.   
"IT'S *incoherent mumble*! YOU ONLY SEE HER 500 TIMES A DAY! COME ON, HOW STUPID CAN YOU GET?"   
"I honestly don't know," Harry confessed.   
"You don't know my favorite teacher? You don't know me at all!"   
She ran off down the hall, twisting and turning through the dark halls, not quite knowing where she was going.   
She almost smacked into a tree by the Quidditch field.   
Ron followed her, behind by only a few steps. Trailing at his heals was Draco, and Harry brought up the rear.   
"C'mon Cho, you don't wanna hang out with these fake-o's anymore."   
"Fake-o? Who are you calling a fake-o? You tried to be nice and fell flat on your face! You tried to be a... a... punk... thing and you looked ridicules! It made you creepier then usual!"   
Harry snickered.   
"And you're just as bad! Your costume was fun for a while, but it went too far! This masquerade needs to end." She threw up her hands. "I'm sick of you all trying to make decisions for me!"   
"But that means you hate Harry more, right? So there's more of a chance you'd go out with me?"   
"SHUT UP!" she screamed, then gave a manic laugh.   
"You all try too hard! I'm going to give up and go out with Ron!" The object of Cho's desire beamed.   
Cho pulled him into the equipment closet, and onto a broom, and flew off into the afternoon sky.   
No one spoke for a while.   
"My Firebolt..." Harry said mournfully.   
***   
"So you're not mad about the whole Cho thing?"   
"Nope, not really," Harry said to Ron at breakfast the next morning. "Toast?"   
"Sure, thanks."   
"What I figure is," Harry began pouring his milk. "I'm better off single. It was too much work trying to get a girlfriend."   
"Why are you reading the personals?"   
Harry shrewdly folded up his newspaper. "I'm gonna take a break, do some soul--- oh wow." Harry craned his neck, trying to get a better view of the attractive fifth year.   
"Be right back..."   
"Harry! Harry, that's Draco's girlfriend, you know. Harry! Aw, here it goes..."   
_____________________________________   
El Fine


End file.
